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"I was afraid he would disappear before my eyes," she says. She asked him to seek a medical cure.īut after reading about gay suicides, she relented. She wondered whether she had caused it by giving him too much candy as a child or if he was corrupted at university or by foreigners. Piao's initial devastated reaction to her son's announcement reflects the lack of understanding common among Chinese parents. The group took to sea to avoid interference from authorities, as LGBT events are often abruptly shut down.īut Duan, also a volunteer, estimates more than 100,000 parents and children nationwide have been helped by PFLAG's loose network, which he said is expanding to smaller cities and China's interior. PFLAG organizes various discreet events but earlier this month arranged its biggest yet, a four-day ship cruise from Shanghai to Japan, which organizers said drew more than 1,000 people. Volunteers for PFLAG say they are seeing more people confident enough to come out, especially in cosmopolitan cities such as Beijing, Guangzhou and Shanghai, which are have more relaxed attitudes than rural areas. "Family is the most important part (of coming out) in terms of our emotions, but it's the hardest area to break through," says Duan Rongfeng, a 40-year-old gay Shanghai architect.
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The fears are so intense that advocacy groups estimate millions lead a double life - hiding their identity by marrying heterosexuals. The gate-crashing parents did the same for their gay children - before police escorted them out.īut coming-out in family-oriented China remains traumatic, often tearing households apart or leading to suicides. On May 20, "Lover's Day" in China, a group of mothers, affiliated with the US-founded PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), caused a stir by appearing at a Shanghai park where parents regularly display advertisements seeking marriage matches for their heterosexual children. Taiwan's top court recently ruled in favour of same-sex marriage, Shanghai's low-key annual gay pride festival is in its ninth year, and opinion surveys increasingly indicate greater public acceptance of China's gays. "We don't want to shut them in the closet where no one can see them," says Piao, an effervescent 54-year-old who works for a Shanghai cosmetics equipment company. Piao and her fellow volunteers bridge the generation gap.
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But a new generation is more willing to take a stand on their sexuality, despite what their relatives may think. I've decided to begin this Patreon effort to offset the costs of the increasingly popular website Ray's Stories as well as to hopefully create a bit of income to offset the costs of the time I spend writing instead of working - not to mention to give you, the reader, a way to support my efforts.When Piao Chunmei's son told her he was gay, she reacted the way many Chinese parents do, sleepless and crying for days due to the lingering shame of same sex relationships in China.īut she eventually accepted her son and is now part of an expanding network of gays and their parents who help other families cope with the stress of coming out in a country which until 2001 classified homosexuality as a mental illness.ĭeep-seated cultural expectations for each generation to produce a male heir - heightened by China's "one-child policy," which expanded to two in 2015 - added to the pressure to conform. It was finally self-published and was very well reviewed. The Circulatim Trilogy became a multi-year labor of love and self-realization. I was encouraged to share more, and to develop and finish a story based on my real life as a closeted gay teen growing up in the suburbs of Chicago. It wasn't until a very few years ago that I started a website and began to share those old stories along with a few selected new ones. They were very well received, but put away again. I kept these secret stories hidden in my blue footlocker for decades, until I shared a few with some very close friends as a young adult. As I was growing up in the eighties, my sexuality was deeply hidden and was only allowed out in my secret stories. It wasn't long before I was using my first computer to create stories based on real events that diverged into the fictional and the fantastic.Īs I entered my teens I began writing stories involving a sexual content. I started with short stories about me and my friends' adventures, then moved into fiction and fantasy settings as I grew older. I have been writing stories since I was able to hold a pencil.